Sunday, November 18, 2007

Analyses of Man and Woman

ANALYSIS OF MAN (purely in a lighter vein)

Symbol: MaW2 (Mighty, Almighty, Woman wooer)
Molecular weight: 55kg, equivalent to "Reference Woman" as defined by FAO/WHO Expert Group.
Origin: Darwin's Brain Trust!
Zoological name: Romeocca Mangentilus. Ima
Physical Properties: Short-tempered, egoistic, possessive, demanding. Wants to have the cake and eat it too! Always feels that grass is greener on the other side! Would like to have a submissive spouse!
Chemical Properties: Possesses great affinity towards fair sex. Blushes at ladies' attention. Turns violet when his girl talks to other Men! Turns white in trouble, tries to win hearts of other young girls that he is still attractive to the fair sex!!
Reaction: Acidic if challenged; Alkaline if ignored and neutral if necessary!!
Occurrence: Hopping around ladies' colleges and hostels. May also be found at the doors of theatres!
Uses: A good escort for defence of fair sex especially after night shows!
Caution: Unpredictable, Unsteady, breaker of hearts and mischier monger proving Darwin's theory!!
ANALYSIS OF A WOMAN (purely in a lighter vein)

Nomenclature: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Occurrence: Ubiquitous and abundant
Origin: Unknown
Size: Standard -- 42-24-36
Availability: In all sizes except the standard. Some are upside down to the standard.
Mass: 35-55 kgs.
Length: Between 1 and 2 metres

++Structural: Mostly petit frame with 75 % surface tension.
++Physical: At times highly dynamic, but no initiative in times of crises; possesses little strength and force; exhibits alpha, fronted by a better looking specimen.
++Chemical: boils at nothing and melts under sentimental conditions; freezes at sensitive moments, bitter by nature; violently reacts after a brief solitude and improper treatment leading to explosions; turns red even on a little provocation and becomes pale during crises.
++Conductivity: An equally good conductor of both love and hate.
++Thermal: Cold sentimentality under hot conditions and exaggerated sentimentality under cold conditions.

=Susceptibility: Systems:
Eyes- Susceptible near all saree and dress emporia
Ears- Susceptible to all fashionable earrings, earlocks, eardrops, etc.
Tongue- Susceptible to all gossip.
Nose- Susceptible to exotic smells.
Mouth- Susceptible to all pickles in general
Mind- Highly susceptible under sentimental conditions. Very high infatuation towards gold, silver, etc., and invitations.

- General- An ornamental piece fit for an ivory tower; acts as a tonic when judiciously used, otherwise a non-reversible poison even in sub-lethal doses. An accelerator of spirit and simian enthusiasm even among ascetics.
- Economic- Rise in value under speculative conditions, increases demand, and fall in value decreases demand, a paradox in economic parlance. An instrument for equitable distribution of wealth; acts as an effective income reducing agent. An article of ostentation and possesses snob-appeal. A popular bait in all shops and supermarkets to net the victims.
- Caution- Beware of feminine wits and potentialities. Stop, look twice, listen and recede. 660 V. Inexperienced hands should neither touch nor feel. Never try to find the origin. A cul-de-sac. A land of no return.
[Reproduced from a club souvenir, unknown compiler]

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